


Saudade

by billspilledquill



Category: Naruto
Genre: Kisses, M/M, NaruSasu - Freeform, SNS feels the most I guess, SasuNaru - Freeform, Team seven feels because well, a lot of kisses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 11:10:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9120997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/billspilledquill/pseuds/billspilledquill
Summary: Ten kisses that happened between Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto along the years. Nine that we never knew about it.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sasuke_hime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasuke_hime/gifts).



> i. saudade (n): a nostalgic longing to be near something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved and then lost; “the love that remains.”
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> Based on an art from @wrongdeductions02 on Tumblr ;;3;; 
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> Thank you for my amazing friend for checking my mistakes! You are the best Sam *hug

Their first kiss was a accident.

Extremely innocent, actually. Lips and teeth crashed, awkward position, and the widened eyes, hands nowhere to put. The screams are everywhere.

And Sasuke remembered—remembers and will always remember the blue sky from that day and the bluer eyes. He inhaled and exhaled and closed his eyes and thought about the blue sea.

_The blue calm._

And while the cries and talk and the crowded classroom was going to exploded, all Sasuke can felt was the soft touch and the softer blue, and now, now that touch left, he chocked and tossed away, and with the dizziness still beautifully turned round and round in his brain, he thought that it tasted like miso, tasted like ramen.

Monsters don't taste like miso. Humans do.

Books were lying, first kiss wasn't with some beautiful girl, wasn't some seal of destiny, wasn't some true love kiss. Wasn't some star-crossed lovers starter pack. Fucking books and their romance, he doesn't even tasted like rose, damn.

He wonders what all this meant, because he hoped it didn't mean anything, because he doesn't want all this take a meaning, _because he is Naruto and he is Sasuke so all this doesn't mean anything, will never mean something._

So he shallowed hard and turned away and make sure he didn't look flushed.

(He was sure he failed though.)

**O0O**

The second kiss was curiosity.

It was so light, barely noticeable kiss, like the touch of a feather, like a soft-spoken word, like a tadaiyama from his younger self and a warm welcome home from Mother. Eyes closed, he wondered why he did this. Because he is Naruto and I am Sasuke so this shouldn't be happening. No way it would happen.

But his hands are on Naruto's waist, and lips on his and eyelashes entwined with gold and blacked lashes, and Sasuke _did_ think it happened.

And it seemed so right, he remembered again, it felt so right so he ignored what the fuck are you doing teme! and his own inner voice who screamed _stop you little homo thisissowrongsoso **so** wrong_ in so manymany ways. He ignored the gasp of Sakura and Kakashi, passing by to check for their mission report, ignored the _Sasuke-kun?!_ and _get a room you two_ with Kakashi's pervert accent. Ignored and blocked it all because all of it didn't matter, revenge didn't matter, blood didn't matter, Itachi didn't matter for this second, for this eternity.

(For once, he doesn't want answer from the racing of his heart, doesn't want explanation for his desire on miso-taste flavor, doesn't need—)

_Sasuke._

(Because he is lost in this blue and cerulean pools, and doesn't want to let it go for some fucking useless answers)

When they stopped, the whole world started turning again, Itachi and revenge and blood and tears and nightmares suddenly surrounded him, grudged him and enveloped him and he panicked, panicked so he slowly pulled the blonde closer.

And kissed him again.

(And the world stopped again, and Sasuke was more than glad for this)

Everything went to the blue calm.

**O0O**

Sasuke never understood him.

Never understood why he was a monster and tasted like human, never understood why the sky was darker when he was around, and never underdtood why he kissed him again and again and again.

Something was off and he didn't know, the tanned skin and the bumblebee hair, the teal orbs and everything. He never truly understand Uzumaki Naruto.

Days after days, after the sundown and under the moonlight, after a death fight on the hospital rooftop, he kissed him again.

Why, he asked.

 _Because_ , he replied.

_I carved for a calm, the arctic-like calm._

**O0O**

The seventh kiss was a goodbye.

It was a disgusting blue, that day. Mixed with blood and tears and water. Rain. He watched the admiral storm with a uncaring glance. He felt like the eye of a tornado. And he hated it.

Because the emptiness is so suffocating that it felt more like a mess than calming wind.

Stepping on the tiny rocks and the rest of the battle, between two statues of war and peace, he kneeled down and watched. Saw his fallen and miserable form on the shining headband, symbol of the Leaf craved on the metal. He stared.

And saw the body lied here, the orange blue turned to a dampened ocean, the calm disappeared from the soul. It was nowhere to be found.

The first time he saw him so vulnerable was because he stabbed him in the chest. Ironic.

_Why did you go so far for me?_

He leaned in more, letting his hair covered Naruto's cold body. Because it was no way he would warm him. So he would covered him and kiss him, lips with the same coldness of this sky.

(He closed his eyes because he didn't want to see his face)

_Because you were the first bond I ever had._

He still didn't understand Naruto. He had a feeling he never will.

_That's why I have to stop you, Sasuke!_

He remembered team seven as he got up, struggled to get up. He remembered Sakura's scream about their kiss and then the smile of acceptance on her face, warm tears scrolling down her cheeks _Sasuke-kun, gotta get happy okay?_ And Kakashi's smirks on their little game _just don't become like in the Icha Icha book okay boys?_ And Naruto.

But it didn't matter, because calm can not be seek in peace, it should be seek in the dark. So before he got up, he kissed him again, trying to get the blue calm he once tasted.

He tasted stars they once watched after fighting tooth and nails together, he tasted the yelling names and the angry screams, and the hug they shared. Inhaled and exhaled breaths, tears and blood. Some whispers. And shared dreams.

He still tasted like miso.

But the blue had disappeared.

(As he walked away, he wondered what color he will be once they meet again)

**OoO**

The eighth kiss was to break.

One arm on his shoulder and the other on his blade, he was ready to break. So he kissed him again. Just to break him more.

(Or to make sure he tasted the same)

 _Are you sure he isn't some psycho homo who stalk Naruto? This is his teammate?_ A seemingly new member of team seven asked to another man. _They are best friends or fuck friends?_ He smiled with plasticity, somewhat looking some curious than it should be.

Sasuke slowly pulled out his weapon, lips still not letting go. It was Naruto who broke the kiss first, and looked at him with fearless eyes.

 _You can't kill me, Sasuke._ He smiled, and at this moment, he knew he hadn't changed at all.

He still didn't understand him.

He didn't speak, just pulled the blade a little more by the second. Nobody spoke. And Naruto would. He knew.

_I know you can't, Sasuke._

Three inches afar from his head.

_If you want to say some give up shit then I would like you to shut your mouth like that, teme._

Two.

_Hell, you don't fucking kiss a person and kill them, shit._

One.

_Sasuke—_

It was the white face man who bought Naruto out of danger, screaming what Sasuke wouldn't kill him all in the way. Pathetic, he tought. Stupid, he said.

( _Dobe_ , he screamed to his heart)

_Thank you._

Honestly, he didn't understand Naruto, nor when he gave him a kiss on the cheek. Never he thought Naruto would be so complicated and undefinable. Everything was out of control and he hated this.

Everything was out of control when he met Uzumaki Naruto.

With the blue gone, he stepped back to place. Before he disappeared, he saw his twitching lips and the whispers. He couldn't heard what he said. He felt it.

_Thank you, Sasuke._

For what, he never knew.

_Let me shoulder you hatred, Sasuke. Let me shoulder you pain._

How, he never knew.

_Let me be here._

Naruto became the electrified orange and _he_ became the blue. The winded splash of color startled him still.

_Sasuke._

**O0O**

The ninth kiss was to repair.

He was panting and grieving, struggling to get up. Stuck in rocks by Naruto's blow. Panted for the long-lasted battle. Grieved for Naruto's words.

_Over and over—_

He got up because he needed to got up.

_Over and over—_

He make another chidori because he had to.

_Over and **over** —_

He screamed the question because he needed the answer.

_Why don't you fall already?!_

Ironic, he thought. Uzumaki Naruto never fell. But he did fell on his way for making the Rasengan, he nealy chuckled at this pointless moment where he could kill him. The nearly repressed laugh was turned to a gasp. He approached.

He learned in.

He kissed Sasuke's forehead

And he felt he smiled.

And for a moment, in this stoking battle, he felt the calm he once felt in that classroom, _that blue calm_ that once held in these lips.

_Because I am your one and only friend, teme._

Uzumaki Naruto never fell, never changed. The color in his lips never darkened. Sasuke still had no clue who Naruto really was.

And he kicked him off because he _needed_ to.

They got back to position and the battle restart.

(He wondered if the books were telling the truth. If happily ever after would be an ending for them. He will bet one last time)

**OoO**

They did the reconciliation seal.

Every lines every words every breaths could be their last and Sasuke couldn't care less.

The crumbled world and the restarting one was combined in their eyes, Konoha eleven will be back to service, to missions and work. Kages will survive, help rebuilding damaged villages, and civilians. This weren't important. Nothing was important.

Eyes weren't able to see farther than Naruto dying here, watched him winced at every surge of wind, of words, and _painpainandthefallingblue_ were watching him, and he stared back. For a moment, he did think they will die like this, watching each other in the eyes.

And Sasuke did something he never thought would happened during this wholeheartedly moment.

He _laughed_.

Laughed with carefreeness, laughed like a child, laughed and laughed like they are no longer a tomorrow morning for them. Laughed again because he thought this was true. _No morning for us, Naruto._

Then Naruto moved his eyes on him, smiled and sunrise was in front of them. _It's morning, teme._

He laughed again, eyes nearly burst into tears, _Ne, Naruto. We are both going to die._

 _Yeah_.

 _Ne_. He asked.

_Um?_

_What is this all about?_ He pointed at the sun. _Why is this coming at me like this?_

 _Well—_ Naruto paused, seemingly thinking about this. _Probably because he wanted to. He had been searching a home for too long and fucked all up._

 _Then why this?_ He pointed at the broken village, where the leafs were suppose to belong. _He isn't searching a home like this._

He stated with such conviction that he almost believed him. _Ya know, one day he has to come home. No matter what it will be. Like Narutomaki will always belong to ramen!_ He shrugs with all the energy he last. _Sometimes we need to return a place we belong to. Nothing too deep about this whole drama shit you started, Sasuke._

 _And so why then?_ He asked, pointed at his forehead. _Why this would belong to anyone?_

He didn't reply. _Ya know Sasuke?_ He winced a bit in pain. _I wonder what would happen if I had a normal life. Marry a women and start a real life. Shika would like to heard that from me._ He laughed. _Being a hero is cool and all, but sometimes I prefer peace over wars._

He continued. _Sakura-chan was really worried about you, Sasuke. I wonder what team seven will be once we will die. He chuckled. Sai and Sakura-chan would be a cute couple right?_

He didn't let him answer. _They will be at home. Tsunade-baba will be at home. Ero-sennin will be at home. My mom and dad will be at home. And you Sasuke._

Sasuke turned his head, not wanting to hear anymore. Tears are overwhelming and he hated hated _hated_ this.

_You are going home with me._

At this moment, this second, this fucking second, he seemed to catch a glimpse of Naruto's being. He seemed to know what Naruto really was.

 _...where?_ Between two struggled cries, he asked. Yet he knew.

_Here._

**O0O**

When Sakura arrived, she found two corpses, lips on each other, peaceful and beautifully lulled in the sunlight.

_The tenth kiss was a welcome home._


End file.
